Friday, October 26, 2007

In Pursuit of Baby #2

Daddy told Mommy that he might like a Baby #2.

Mommy would love a Baby #2.

The household budget has no love for Baby #2.

Mommy’s ideas to make the Baby #2 Project financially solvent:

Option #1:

Sell our four-bedroom house and use the profits to purchase a three-bedroom trailer home with no mortgage loan. Mommy quits her job and becomes SAHM, eliminating the costs of clothing and transportation. Mommy and babies cuddle all day. Dinner is ready when Daddy arrives home from work.

Option #2:

Find an excellent home-daycare provider that is dirt cheap and works for the love of babies rather than a need to pay bills. Miracle Daycare Woman will agree to provide a tax identification number so Mommy and Daddy can continue to claim the Childcare Tax Credit for the measly dollars they pay her each year. While Mommy and Daddy are at work, Miracle Daycare Woman cuddles babies and teaches them to count in French.

Option #3:

Mommy and Daddy win the lottery. No need for the Mega Millions jackpot, the Classic Lotto would be more than enough. Mommy and Daddy pay off the mortgage, remodel the house, and buy a new Dodge Caravan with Stow’N’Go seating. Mommy and Daddy invest remaining millions and live off the dividends. Mommy and Daddy quit their jobs and cuddle babies all day. (This plan is also financially solvent for Baby #3 and Baby #4.)

Vote for your favorite Baby #2 plan or share a plan of your own.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

10 Steps to Build the Perfect Snowman

It’s been an unseasonably warm October, which would normally be a blessing, but I find myself resenting the fact that Baby has outgrown his summer clothes but still needs to wear them.

In anticipation of the upcoming winter season, and in commemoration of our first cold morning today, I’d like to share my advice for winter dressing, also known as, “10 Steps to Build the Perfect Snowman.”

1. Wrestle Baby onto the changing table and try to pin him there while you remove his pajamas.

2. Change Baby’s diaper while his clothes are off, since you’re halfway there, anyway. Discover that the diaper is still dry.

3. Baby flips over to grab the booger bulb while his naked butt is still exposed. Quickly return Baby to his original position and secure the diaper tabs before he discovers that you’ve covered his genitals and they are no longer within his grasp.

4. While Baby sucks on the booger bulb, stealthily slide on his warmest pair of matching socks.

5. Next, wrestle Baby’s head through the neck-hole of an undershirt. When you hear the popping sound of the shirt finally fitting over Baby’s head, reassure yourself that Baby’s head is not unusually big, the shirt is just unusually small.

6. Wrestle Baby’s arms through sleeve holes one at a time, while Baby struggles to maintain his grasp on the booger bulb and keep it in his mouth.

7. Lay Baby back and slide on his pants while Baby drops the booger bulb over the side of the changing table and exclaims, “UH, OH!” when it hits the floor. Clap with pride as Baby discovers gravity and finally reveals his true genius.

8. Retrieve booger bulb and don Baby’s sweater. Take care to keep one of Baby’s hands free at all times so the booger bulb experiment is not compromised.

9. Repeat process with Baby’s coat. If the booger bulb experiment is still in progress, use this opportunity to add shoes to the ensemble.

10. Remove Baby from changing table and discover that the previously dry diaper is now loaded and leaking. Reverse steps 1 through 10 and repeat as often as necessary.

Our weatherman is predicting our first snowfall of the season before Halloween. Bring it on, we’re ready!!!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

More Time for Romance

I’ve been a huge fan of Works for Me Wednesday, sponsored by Rocks In My Dryer, and I finally have some advice to share and a blog to share it in. Hurray!

Since our baby is only seven months old, our typical evening looks a little something like this:

Mommy picks up Baby from daycare.

Mommy and Daddy get home from work.

Daddy opens the mail, washes the daycare bottles, washes the milk storage bottles, washes the breastpump parts, and packs Baby’s lunch box for the next day.

Mommy nurses the Baby, changes his diaper, and prays that he will take a 30 minute nap so she can change her clothes and go potty.

Mommy and Daddy cook dinner.

Baby sleeps or entertains himself with the egg beater and potato masher while Mommy and Daddy do chores.

Mommy and Daddy eat dinner while Baby drops toys off the side of his highchair tray, enthusiastically exclaiming “UH, OH!” everytime one of them hits the floor. The louder the better.

Mommy washes dinner dishes while Daddy feeds the Baby as much fruit as he can and as little vegetables as he can without getting a lecture on nutrition from Mommy.

Mommy and Daddy play with the Baby.

Baby goes to bed.

Mommy and Daddy go to bed.

Repeat everyday until Baby goes to college.

If you’re still reading this, you might be wondering if I have a point. My point is, our lives are incredibly tedious and mundane and we often get frustrated that we don’t have enough time to pursue other interests, like exercise and laundry. Since we spend so much time on chores after work, I wanted to find a way to get our chores done quickly so we could actually enjoy some time with each other before we collapse into bed at the end of the day.

This was my brilliant idea:

We make a monthly dinner menu so we only have to go grocery shopping every two weeks and we only buy what we NEED, not everything we have used since the last trip to the store. (my husband’s mother lived through the great depression and WWII in Nazi Germany, so he acquired her tendency to stock up, stock up, stock up)

This month, instead of planning 30 days of meals, I have planned to cook one BIG meal and have leftovers the next day. So, instead of cooking 30 times a month, we will only have to cook dinner 15 times a month. If you also consider that we are celebrating Thanksgiving in November and my mother-in-law always cooks dinner and always makes us take leftovers home with us, we will only have to cook 14 times!

Just imagine all the things we could do with our newly-discovered spare time! I might have to shave my legs this month…

That’s What Works For Me!!