Thursday, October 25, 2007

10 Steps to Build the Perfect Snowman

It’s been an unseasonably warm October, which would normally be a blessing, but I find myself resenting the fact that Baby has outgrown his summer clothes but still needs to wear them.

In anticipation of the upcoming winter season, and in commemoration of our first cold morning today, I’d like to share my advice for winter dressing, also known as, “10 Steps to Build the Perfect Snowman.”

1. Wrestle Baby onto the changing table and try to pin him there while you remove his pajamas.

2. Change Baby’s diaper while his clothes are off, since you’re halfway there, anyway. Discover that the diaper is still dry.

3. Baby flips over to grab the booger bulb while his naked butt is still exposed. Quickly return Baby to his original position and secure the diaper tabs before he discovers that you’ve covered his genitals and they are no longer within his grasp.

4. While Baby sucks on the booger bulb, stealthily slide on his warmest pair of matching socks.

5. Next, wrestle Baby’s head through the neck-hole of an undershirt. When you hear the popping sound of the shirt finally fitting over Baby’s head, reassure yourself that Baby’s head is not unusually big, the shirt is just unusually small.

6. Wrestle Baby’s arms through sleeve holes one at a time, while Baby struggles to maintain his grasp on the booger bulb and keep it in his mouth.

7. Lay Baby back and slide on his pants while Baby drops the booger bulb over the side of the changing table and exclaims, “UH, OH!” when it hits the floor. Clap with pride as Baby discovers gravity and finally reveals his true genius.

8. Retrieve booger bulb and don Baby’s sweater. Take care to keep one of Baby’s hands free at all times so the booger bulb experiment is not compromised.

9. Repeat process with Baby’s coat. If the booger bulb experiment is still in progress, use this opportunity to add shoes to the ensemble.

10. Remove Baby from changing table and discover that the previously dry diaper is now loaded and leaking. Reverse steps 1 through 10 and repeat as often as necessary.

Our weatherman is predicting our first snowfall of the season before Halloween. Bring it on, we’re ready!!!

No comments: