13 Things I Never Knew

I think I’ve been fantasizing about becoming a mom for my entire adult life. The minute I first looked into my husband’s eyes, I must have thought, “I need to have this man’s baby.”

Since we were married 8 years ago and our son is only 9 months old, you can only imagine how many days ticked by filled with the anticipation of a baby. Since God gave up trying to teach me patience a long time ago, I had to find a way to keep myself busy while we were waiting.

I started bargain hunting for baby paraphernalia. I bought undershirts, sleepers, socks, shoes, blankets, toys, medicine-dropper pacifiers, baby hangers, sheets, curtains, rugs, and board books. I found like-new strollers and bouncer seats at garage sales. We had so much baby stuff before our baby was conceived that I created a baby gear inventory spreadsheet to keep track of all the stuff in storage.

As if that wasn’t enough, I started reading. I read baby books, birthing books and breastfeeding books. By the time the egg and sperm met for the first time, I was a pregnancy and birthing expert.

Little did I know that I still had a lot to learn about motherhood. On the slim chance that there is another woman on this planet that is as neurotic and anal as I am, these are the 13 things that I never knew about motherhood until I had a baby of my own:

1. Just because you are 4 cm dilated, don’t assume the baby is on it’s way anytime soon. (don’t believe that, read my birth story)

2. Even with all the breastfeeding books I read, I never knew that breastfeeding hurts until I spent the first four weeks of my son’s life crying in agony every time he latched on.

3. Some babies don’t like baby lotion. If you got 6 bottles of Johnson’s Baby lotion at your baby shower, chances are good that your baby will be the one that hates lotion.

4. Diapers leak, and I’m not talking about pee.

5. Babies change their clothes more often than a teenage girl getting ready for her first date.

6. Toys are a waste of time because babies prefer junk that is lying around the house.

7. The baby that is NEVER sick will be sick on the one day out of 365 that you absolutely can not stay home from work.

8. Teething happens long before you see the tooth.

9. Your life revolves around naptime. If you dare to interfere with the nap schedule, prepare for fireworks.

10. There is no need for birth control because babies make darn sure you never find an opportunity to have sex again.

11. Everyone that said your baby would sleep through the night soon was LYING!

12. There is no child on the planet as beautiful and as intelligent as your own.

13. Motherhood is the best job on earth!

For more lucky 13 lists, go check out Thursday Thirteen!