Dear Santa

Baby’s First Christmas List

Dear Santa,

I’ve been very good this year. Since you can’t compare my behavior to that of years past this Christmas because it is my first of many, I’m asking you to trust me that I’ve been behaving as well as can be expected. I have fulfilled my potential to be a jolly, loving baby. I listen most of the time or just when I feel like it and all the stars are in proper alignment.

For my first Christmas:

I would like my own box of Kleenex because Mommy and Daddy always take the box away from me before I find the bottom. Please bring me a ball pit filled with balls of all shapes and sizes. I have lots of balls, but most of them are lost under the couch. Can you bring me a new credit card? I love the fake cards Mommy and Daddy get in the mail, and I have a used gasoline gift card and an old hotel key card, but I’d like to expand my collection. Mommy and Daddy look so happy when I ignore my expensive toys in favor of free toys. Can I have a walker? Mommy thinks they are dangerous, but I know I could really get around much faster if I had one. I need a roll of tissue paper that they use to cover the exam table at the doctor’s office. I love to play with it, but the doctor always tries to look in my ears while I’m playing and I really hate that.

I also need an alarm clock. Once in awhile, I forget to wake up for my 2:30am feeding and I don’t want Mommy to worry about me.

In case I have forgotten something, please bring me an empty box to keep me busy.
Merry Christmas, Santa!

Love,
Baby

Reason for the Season

For this week’s edition of Works For Me Wednesday, sponsored by Rocks in My Dryer, I’d like to share a brilliant idea that I had for a new family Christmas tradition that could be used to teach young children about the meaning of the holiday. I suppose the term “brilliant” might be an exaggeration, but considering the fact that I’m suffering from Mommy Brain, I’m fairly impressed with my creativity on this one.

For years, we’ve been deprived of the Christmas cookie tradition because Bonus Daughters bake cookies every year with their mother and bestow upon us a 10 pound tray of unnecessary calories every holiday. It just doesn’t make sense to bake more cookies, so I’ve never had the pleasure of baking during the holiday season during my married life. I can’t say that I’ve mourned the loss of this tradition since I’d rather cook than bake, but I don’t want Baby to be deprived of this happy Christmas memory.

Since Bonus Daughters have taken care of the cookie baking for me, I decided to start a new tradition with Baby this year. We are going to bake Birthday cupcakes. On Christmas morning, we will put a birthday candle in each cupcake and sing the Happy Birthday song for Jesus.

Birthday cake and cupcakes are a tradition that a young child can easily relate to and understand. Eating cupcakes for breakfast is definitely a treat and something a young child would look forward to in anticipation. It’s also more fun than choking down stale cornflakes before you are allowed to open any gifts, but that’s a disturbing memory from my childhood that I’m working through in therapy.

I’m hoping this new family tradition will help Baby understand the Reason for the Season and remind us all that we are celebrating the birth of our Savior.

That’s What Works for Me!

Leave a comment and share some of your favorite holiday traditions.

I’d love to hear your suggestions for making our family holidays memorable!

Here, There and Everywhere

As a new parent, I’ve made some important discoveries regarding baby gear:

*The baby weighs 17 pounds and the accompanying baby gear weights 1.7 tons

*Baby gear multiplies in the dark

*Even though Baby has his own bedroom, baby gear will appear in every single room of the house

*Each item of baby gear will only be developmentally appropriate for baby for a maximum of three months

Right now, our house looks like Babies R Us on steroids. In an effort to make space for Mommy and Daddy, Mommy decided to put some of the baby gear that we’re not using anymore into storage. For clarification, storage is not an off-site garage. Storage is not in the basement or the attic. Storage is simply a large, spider-free closet on the second floor of our house.

Mommy gathered up a few items that Baby is not using anymore...

The battery-operated swing that she bought for $10 at a garage sale
...which was later replaced by an A/C powered swing that Mommy and Daddy bought for $120 and Baby refused to use. The exersaucer that Baby loved until he realized that he was confined against his will.
Since Mommy and Daddy started considering Baby #2, just the possibility that the baby gear would be used again allowed Mommy to part with these items that were such strong reminders of Baby’s infancy.

But Daddy protested. Not screaming, hollering, angry protesting. Just quiet, sad, on-the-verge-of-tears protesting.

Daddy is not quite ready to let Baby grow up.

So, the baby gear remains.

Where are we going to put our Christmas tree??

Is That Love?

Is that Love I see in your eyes,

or merely a reflection of my own?

Party Dress

I went shopping on my lunch break today to find a dress

to wear to Hubby’s company holiday party.

This is what I bought:

Happy Thanksgiving!

Have You Seen My Balls?

For this week’s edition of Works For Me Wednesday, hosted by Rocks In My Dryer, I’d like to share one of the many new challenges Baby has presented us with and Daddy’s brilliant solution to the problem.

Baby is addicted to balls. He loves all balls. He does not discriminate. He loves red balls, blue balls, and yellow balls. He loves soft balls and he loves balls that jingle when they roll. But his favorite balls of all are the balls that are just barely small enough to roll under the couch.

A typical evening with our ball-addict looks a little something like this:

Baby: (rolls ball under couch) “Uh, Oh!”

Daddy: “Where is your ball, Baby? Is it under the couch? Daddy will save it.”

Daddy gets Swiffer from broom closet in the kitchen, gets down on all fours and fishes for lost ball under the couch. The ball rolls out.

Baby: (claps) “Yeah!”

Daddy puts Swiffer back in broom closet in the kitchen.

Baby: (rolls ball under couch) “Uh, Oh!”

Daddy: “Where is your ball, Baby? Is it under the couch? Daddy will save it.”

Daddy gets Swiffer from broom closet in the kitchen, gets down on all fours and fishes for lost ball under the couch. The ball rolls out.

Baby: (claps) “Yeah!”

Repeat until bedtime.

Rather than continue to chase lost balls until Baby goes to college, Daddy had a brilliant idea to stop the balls from rolling under the couch. He bought this:

Anyone that has a Grandma has seen these handy gadgets. They are commonly referred to as breeze blockers or draft guards and little old ladies like to scatter them all over the house to keep out the cold.

Daddy places the breeze blockers in front of the sofa and love seat. Baby rolls his balls. The balls don’t go under the couch!

That’s What Works For Me!

Now, if we could just find a way to keep Baby away from the Christmas tree…

Party Planning

The Company Holiday Party: Then & Now

We just got an invitation in the mail for Daddy’s annual company Holiday party. For $10 per person, we can attend a formal dinner with dancing and a cash bar. It sounded like a great reason to squeeze into a party dress and brush my hair, until I realized how complicated this endeavor could be.

Before Baby, the annual company party would go a little something like this:

*RSVP by deadline
*Shop for new dress
*Make hair appointment
*Go to party
*Dance, laugh, eat
*Don’t drink too much
*Go home
*Sex
*Sleep until noon the next day

After Baby, the annual company party will be a little something like this:

*RSVP tentatively
*Search closet full of dresses and pick one that accentuates baby fat the least
*Pout because all the dresses make Mommy look fat
*Realize that Mommy and Daddy are leaving Baby with a sitter for the first time
*Feel guilty while scheduling the sitter
*Pump breastmilk before the party
*Prepare bottles
*Nurse baby
*Get dressed
*Kiss Baby goodbye
*Baby spits up
*Change clothes
*Go to party
*Dance, laugh, and eat quickly
*Pump breastmilk in the car
*Don’t drink
*Go home early
*Nurse baby
*Put Baby to bed
*Consider sex
*Choose sleep instead
*Feed Baby again at 2:30am

Sounds like a celebration!!!

Horror Stories

I’m a working mom and I’m probably one of the most high-maintenance working moms an employer could ever dread to have. I’ve been breastfeeding my 8 month old son since the day he was born and I don’t plan to stop until he feels he has had enough. Since I went back to work when he was 6 weeks old, that means I’ve spent a lot of time with my breast pump in the last 8 months.

I know that there are plenty of moms out there that have suffered worse injustices than I have when it comes to finding a place to pump while away from home. Feel free to share your own pumping horror stories, but I need to vent about my own.

During my first month back to work, we had a power outage. I happened to be pumping at the time. Not knowing how long the outage would last, I panicked. Being a new mom, I imagined a sudden and tragic decline in my newly-established milk supply. Luckily, I was able to find six AA batteries in our office and pump without electrical power.

I accepted a promotion when my son was 3 months old, and the new job moved me to a new office building. That building didn’t have a lactation room, but it did have a handicap restroom that I was able to use. The restroom was a good place to pump because it had a locking door, electrical outlet, sink, and room for a table and a comfy chair. The restroom was a bad place to pump because it also had a toilet and was a popular place for people to poop in privacy. The room was in desperate need of air freshener.

A month ago, our office moved to a new building. The building is still under renovation, so the designated lactation room won’t be ready until the end of the year. After much fussing on my part, building management reluctantly set up a temporary room with a locking door and an electrical outlet. After more fussing on my part, they also cleaned the drywall dust that coated every surface in the room. I found a chair and table to drag in there, along with some Clorox wipes, and I made myself at home.

Yesterday, the temporary lactation room was locked. Darn. I thought someone was using it, so I decided to come back in an hour. The door was still locked. Darn. I realized that no one was in the room and I called building maintenance to unlock the door. An hour later, the room was still locked. Darn. Desperate for relief, I resorted to pumping in an empty cubicle on my floor that has a door. I use the term “door” loosely, because it is a sliding panel that resembles a shower door with frosted glass. I turned my back to the door and pumped, trying to ignore the fact that everyone around me could hear my pump chugging away.

This morning, the door is still locked. Darn. I’m frantic. I round up everyone with a key…the cleaning lady, the security guard, the maintenance man. We discover that no one has a key to this room, not even the building owner. They call a locksmith and now we wait for the room to be unlocked.

Dear Hubby recommends that I just pump in my cubicle and if my co-workers don’t want to see my exposed breasts, they should help me find a place to pump in privacy. That sure sounds like a great idea when it’s not YOUR boobs hanging out for the world to see…

Please share your pumping horror stories to remind me that my life is really not that bad!!

Gift Idea for Dads

For this week’s edition of Works For Me Wednesday, hosted by Rocks In My Dryer, I’d like to share the most brilliant idea for a birthday gift that I have ever had and possibly the best idea I could ever hope to have in my lifetime.

Do you crumble under the pressure of trying to think of the most spectacular and unforgettable birthday gift ever? I do and that’s why I was shocked that I thought of the following project for the kids to gift to my dear Hubby on his 40th birthday (out of respect for him, I won’t tell you how long ago we did this).

Our family purchased our first camcorder shortly before his birthday, so the kids decided to make a movie for him. They based it on a news broadcast and wrote a script for news anchors, reporters, and witnesses. We set up a news desk in the basement and the kids made posters to announce each news segment. The news segments included The Life of Dad, All About Dad, My Memories of Dad, and Life Lessons from Dad. The kids took turns interviewing each other and the results were hilarious.

Some of the most memorable excerpts from the news broadcast include:

When youngest daughter was asked to name Dad’s favorite movie, she said, “Dad loves XXX.” She meant the action movie staring Vin Diesel, not porn.

When asked the most important thing Dad ever told her about life, youngest daughter stated, “Man that goes to bed with itchy butt wakes up with smelly finger.”

The kids had just gotten a new kitten, so you can hear the cat meowing loudly in the background because she was locked out of the room during filming. As the camera fades out from scene to scene, you can hear oldest daughter screaming, “Someone make that stupid cat shut up already!” She evidently didn’t know that we were still recording.

The news broadcast included commercials for products that Dads might like, such as air freshener for farts and miracle couch cushions that bounce back into shape automatically after teenagers lounge all over them.

Unexpected breaking news interrupted the broadcast when youngest daughter accidentally poked oldest daughter in the eye. We later interrupted the scheduled programming to report that oldest daughter would not require medical attention and that the sisters had called a truce for Dad’s sake.

We gave the DVD to my husband for his 40th birthday and it is still a great source of amusement for him and a tremendous source of embarrassment for our girls.

That’s What Worked For Me!

P.S. Feel free to leave a comment with ideas for Christmas gifts for dads! After 8 years of marriage, my mind is blank. What should I get for hubby this year?

Life

Life indeed would be dull

if there were no such difficulties.

Life Lessons: Sick Baby Edition

A baby can cry for hours and hours

You don’t need as much sleep as you think you do

The Family Bed is not a lifestyle choice,
it is a survival tactic

Vapor Bath might not relieve congestion,
but the bubbles can distract a sick baby for up to an hour

The only thing harder than leaving your baby at daycare for the first time is leaving your sick baby at daycare

No matter how much vacation time you save at work, you will never have enough

If you have to choose between disappointing your boss or caring for your baby, you will disappoint your boss

Arguments between Mommy and Daddy while Baby is sick should be attributed to sleep deprivation and feelings of helplessness

Trust Daddy’s advice and let him help make decisions

The ban on over-the-counter decongestants for infants sounds practical, until you have a need to use them

A screaming, crying, coughing baby will stop screaming, crying, and coughing as soon as you arrive at the doctor’s office

Even a sick baby can’t resist playing with the tissue paper on the exam table

When your baby is sick, insurance co-pays are the last thing on your mind

Throwing on a bra before you leave the house will be the last thing on your mind when you take your sick baby to the emergency room

It’s all worth it

Happy Halloween

Missing In Action

My favorite quote of the week:

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans."

Baby is sick for the first time, so Mommy and Daddy have been juggling sleep and work for the past four days. A trip to the Emergency Room last night reassured us that Baby is not dehydrated yet, but he better start eating soon.

On a sad note, Baby missed his first Halloween. Thankfully, Mommy is camera-obsessed and took pictures of him in his costume as soon as it arrived in the mail.

Please say a little prayer for our little Baby.