Happy Birthday, Mother

Today is my mother’s birthday.

My mother and I don’t have a very good relationship. In fact, we don’t have a relationship at all and I’m still learning to cope with the damage caused by the relationship we shared when I was growing up. I do understand that her mental illness is to blame, but I still mourn the relationship that never was. I mourn the loss of the mother I could have had.

Despite this, I am thankful to God for sending my mother into my life. My experiences with her shape the type of mother I am today. I am painfully aware of the impact I will have on my son’s life, his self-worth, his confidence, and his mental health. That is a blessing because I do not take for granted the moments I share with him and I won’t realize too late the type of mother he needed me to be. I’m the mother he needs me to be right now.

Happy Birthday, Mom and thanks for everything you taught me about life and love.