Birthday Aftermath

I know I promised to return today, so here I am. I’m exhausted, frazzled and melancholy, but I’m here.

Although Baby’s first birthday party was a smashing success, we just barely survived the recent visit from the grandparents. Baby enjoyed his third ear infection in three months during our sleep-deprived vacation from work.

Inexplicably, I spent Baby’s entire first birthday in tears. I was obsessed with the clock and thoughts of “this time last year, Baby was still in my belly” and “this time last year, we saw Baby’s face for the first time” and “this time last year, I nursed Baby in the delivery room” and “this time last year, I had my first meal after Baby was born.” As you can see, I am a sentimental train wreck.

Despite the chaotic nature of our lives and my regret that Baby may be my one and only baby in this lifetime, I remind myself that I have so much to be thankful for. My baby is healthy and happy. My marriage is healthy and happy. I am healthy and have no reason to be unhappy.

God is good and I feel like an ungrateful, spoiled brat this week.

I’m glad He loves me, anyway.